3 Ways to Help Others Walk Through Grief
Last week my former husband Israel lost his mother to COVID-19. This happened three weeks after he lost his father, also to COVID-19.
When I heard the news, I wished I could be with him to comfort him. Many years ago, when we were married, our first baby was stillborn, and after sharing that experience, I thought certainly I would be the best person to understand his grief.
But he wanted to be alone. I felt helpless until I remembered that we each grieve in our own way.
I remembered how, the moment my milk came in and the baby wasn’t there, I sobbed uncontrollably. Israel didn’t judge or question me. He just held me and rocked me and allowed me to grieve on my terms. Then, as time went by, he would disappear for hours, sometimes parking by the airport to watch planes land while he cried.
I realized that now, after losing his parents, he is again finding his own way forward through grief.
If I want to help, the best I can do is to tune into my own body and strengthen my own vibration so I can hold space for him. I can surrender to feminine healing energy. I can accept what is.
It’s not easy to accept death and loss, and sometimes it can be as hard to witness others walking through grief as it is to experience it ourselves. In fact, I believe that as the pandemic death count rises, a sense of grief has seeped into the collective consciousness, affecting all of us.
It’s likely that you also know someone you would like to help, and maybe you don’t know how.
Here are three ways you can help ease others’ sense of loss:
Connect to your breath and your energy.
In the last few months, my energy has felt dizzy and scattered. I’ve found it hard to ground. When I do my breathing exercises, what comes up is a lot of emotion. Rather than judge it, I try to allow it; I know that by expressing my feelings, I give others permission to do the same.
Here is a simple exercise you can use to meet the breath:
Ask yourself: Where do I feel discomfort in my body? How does it feel?
Breathe into that area and try to name the qualities of the physical sensation. Is it heavy, tingly, floaty, cold, warm? Your body will guide you. Just meet it. Allow it. Feel whatever it is.
Feel your feelings all the way through.
Clients often ask me: How do I know if I’m feeling my feelings all the way through or wallowing in them? You’ll know that you’ve released negative emotions when you feel a sense of peace. You may also feel expanded or lighter.
One way to get in touch with your feelings is through a practice called toning. I describe how this works in my recent newsletter.
Don’t feel guilty about tending to your own energy.
When I see loved ones suffering, sometimes I wonder if it’s okay to stay in my own world in order to keep my vibration high. But staying heart-centered rather than outwardly-focused is powerful and causes a ripple effect. It also helps keep us from unnecessarily taking on others’ grief.
So when you’re called to witness another’s pain, keep in mind that you can only give comfort when you’re comfortable with yourself. Using your breath to guide you, express yourself to the fullest. You’ll be raising your own natural healing powers, and you may unknowingly be expressing feelings that someone else can’t.