Even Negative Experiences Can Provide Loving Guidance

“Do you trust your inner guidance? Practice will help you understand the creative principle, and experience will transform understanding into a deep faith.” —Angel Blessings, by Kimberly Marooney

Recently, I hosted an event that was not well attended. I left feeling so frustrated, mostly with my higher power. I wondered if I was on the wrong path, if I had been disconnected from my inner guidance. 

That night, I had a fever and the next day I was hit with my first-ever migraine! 

I just wanted to hide under my covers and not deal with life. A few days later, I was still battling a head cold, but didn’t want to miss a gathering with three of my most supportive friends. I ran out the door and forgot to bring my hearing devices. That, plus the fact that I was congested, made it nearly impossible to hear or be part of the conversation.

This led to more frustration. 

One of my default behaviors when I’m feeling lost is to isolate. I was with the group, but I was not with them. I had a vision of me clawing my way up a mountain, wanting to connect with them but struggling and failing. 

When I realized what I was doing, I shared that truth with my friends. It made me cry because it touched an old wound: wanting to be a part of something but not being able to. 

As my friends held space for me, I realized that my intense feelings were not just about my disappointing event, or being sick, or forgetting something important. Isolation has felt like the story of my life. Growing up deaf, I tried hearing aids that made everything distorted and amplified. When that became overwhelming, which was often, I took them off and retreated into loneliness. 

I think I opened up Pandora’s box that night. The next day I cried all day. I let myself dive deep into that old wound. 

I asked my higher power:

What do I want to hear? 

What do I need to hear?

What is the truth? 

Underneath the pain, I felt powerless. Doubts about my work and the decision to buy my house started surfacing. 

I wondered: If I could reverse time, would I walk this same path? Would I choose to be an entrepreneur and healer? Why was I drawn to buy a house with so many challenges? There have been times when none of it has made sense.

Yet every experience has taught me so much about trust and faith. 

I know that the work is always there to be done. We can only know so much. There is always hidden stuff. What makes me unique is that I am willing to take my own deep dives, like the whales, and that lets me dive deeply with others. 

I had to go through hopelessness to meet my hope. In my hopelessness, I found a deeper understanding: that my greatest fear is not losing connection with others, but losing connection with my spirit, my guidance. That would be the ultimate isolation. 

I could only learn that through practicing and stumbling, and by having my faith tested. 

The true blessing is that I’m learning to meet ALL experiences with a grateful, open heart.