Facing Surgery With Trust and Gratitude

On July 17, I had hip replacement surgery.

As they wheeled me into the operating room, I found myself talking to my old hip, honoring all that it has given me up to this moment. I said, “ I love you, I’m grateful for what you gave me, and thank you for all the support and love.” I was consciously trying to set a positive foundation for my healing through breathwork.

After the surgery, I was shivering and shaking uncontrollably. The pain in my hip was very  intense, and I found myself trembling all over, wondering, "What did I do? Did I make a terrible mistake?" I told the nurse I needed the trembling to stop. The pain  was so intense from the surgery that taking a deep breath felt impossible. She wrapped me in warm blankets and eventually brought in a hose that blew warm air under the covers. I relaxed entirely, surrendered to the moment, and finally rested for a few hours. It felt like I had dropped into the hand of God. I had to trust the nurse completely and surrender to what was happening to me. 

I often see a similar kind of tension with my clients. When faced with emotional challenges, they tend to hold their breath and resist. They need to trust me and surrender to their breath. When they do, they can access a beautiful place where grace takes over.

It’s a very humbling experience.

Once I got home, I started listening to Beethoven’s 9th Symphony every day for about thirty minutes while focusing on my breath. At times, I had to pause because that music is so intense. It felt profoundly energetic, almost like being in Alice in Wonderland—spinning and falling with no way to turn back.

Nearly three weeks post-surgery, I had to cancel a breathwork session I was scheduled to lead. I waited until the last minute, hoping I would summon the strength to go. I was fighting my will or ego as my body was actually telling me, “ No you're not ready!”  Yet In the car, heading there, I knew deep down that it was too soon. I recognized that I needed more rest and healing, but I worried I was letting people down and that some might even be angry. I was bumping into the place of being forgotten and not important enough. 

My daughter reminded me, “Mom, you just had major surgery. It’s okay.”

Back at home, I began sobbing on the couch, armed with ice and electrolytes. I felt worthless and unproductive, gripped by fears of abandonment, inadequacy, and the pressure to be productive and earn money. It seemed like the stuck energy was finally beginning to release from my hip. I became present and allowed myself to feel and witness the shift.

Being present with those tough emotions was challenging. A surrendering had to take place. I had to trust my inner guides and know that emotion is energy in motion.

Joe Dispenza says that to elevate our energy and manifest positively, we need to be grounded in our bodies and fully experience the low energies of shame, fear, guilt, and regret. He adds that, when we choose to prove to ourselves how powerful we really are, we have no idea who we will be helping in the future.

So many people understood and loved and supported me through this. They wished me love and healing. 

The next day, I called a friend who teaches yoga and is a breath coach. He told me, “Mary, I’ve been a yoga teacher for over twenty years, and I still haven’t uncovered all that’s stored in my hips.”

We often have expectations imposed on us from the outside that may not align with what our bodies are communicating. I’ve had to remind myself repeatedly to meet myself where I am energetically. I’m learning to let go of the old and embrace the new. As I learn too, I can walk with my clients as they learn. 

I want others to recognize that we, as humans, have a beautiful system of involuntary breathing, but that breath is often tied to our resistance. The real miracles happen when we consciously connect with our breath and invite our diaphragm to do the work it’s meant to do.

I’ve witnessed incredible transformations by helping people reclaim their breath and let go. They reach new levels of healing by reconnecting with this vital force.

Breath serves as a bridge between the physical, emotional, and spiritual realms. In the hospital, when the warmth finally calmed me, I could take a deep breath and connect all parts of myself. That’s when I truly relaxed, feeling held and supported and connected to Source. 

When I surrender to the pain, the experience, and the assistance of others, my healing accelerates, and miracles start to unfold. 

“The only way we can change our lives is to change our energy — to change the electromagnetic field we are constantly broadcasting. In other words, to change our state of being, we have to change how we think and how we feel.”

Joe Dispenza, Becoming Supernatural: How Common People are Doing the Uncommon